From: Dr. Babatunde Katamonga (babatundekatamonga@rediffmail.com)
Sent: Friday, 01 January, 2003 11:19 a.m.
To: The Honorable President George W. Bush (president@whitehouse.gov)
Subject: Proliferation of Nuclear Materials
STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL
Reference Number: NG23D/01
Dr. Babatunde Katamonga (Ph.D.)
FAX: 234 1 7592718
FOR THE KIND ATTENTION
RE: Proliferation of Nuclear Materials
Dear Mr. President Bush,
Greetings and a Happy New Year to you from my Christian family home in Nigeria. First, I must solicit your utmost confidentiality in this transaction. I am making this contact with you based on reliable information available to us, courtesy of the internet business and political index, thus we are convinced that you would have access to the resources of the United States Treasury and would be capable of assisting us in the solution of a local business problem in a manner that would be financially beneficial to all concerned parties.
Before the last coup in my unfortunate country, my brother-in-law, Patrice Bioke, was the High Lord Minister of Fissionable Materials and, as such, was responsible for the extraction and stockpiling of all of the weapons-grade uranium in our country. Shortly before the coup, he spirited these materials out of the country to preclude them from coming into the hands of our zealous and overly excitable Muslim citizens. He deposited them in a U-Lock-It storage warehouse in Niger, but on his way back home he was tragically killed in an ambush by rebel forces, and the key to the storage facility is now regrettably lost.
The authorities in Niger are strictly unwilling to release the materials
to my care without a one-time, upfront payment of $90,000,000,000 US. I am
pleased to inform you, however, that I have succeeded in striking a deal with
the corrupt, alcoholic night manager of the storage warehouse. If we give
him the $90,000,000,000 and provide him with a United States visa, he will
let me into the facility to retrieve the materials and then refund $40,000,000,000
to us as soon as he is out of the country. It is our intention therefore,
while having your understanding and co-operation, that these monies will be
equally divided ($20,000,000,000 for yourself and/or your reelection campaign
fund and $20,000,000,000 for myself and my associates).
I must alert you that time is very much the essence for this transaction.
The night manager has informed me that the evil Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein
has already tendered a substantial under-the-table offer for these materials
($80,000,000,000, also with a kickback of $40,000,000,000), and I am certain
that you do not wish for them to fall into his bloody and unChristian hands.
Please contact me immediately you receive this email or send me a fax at
my CONFIDENTIAL FAX NUMBER: 234 1 7592718, thus signifying your capability
and willingness to assist us. Also please include the account numbers for
the U.S. Treasury and the Federal Reserve Bank as I will need those to make
the appropriate fiscal transfers.
We are building our trust on sincerity of purpose, mutual understanding and
recommendation. The transaction itself is 100% safe and fail proof, provided
you treat it with utmost secrecy and confidentiality and you follow my instructions
carefully and religiously. Your line of specialization does not matter as
it cannot hinder the successful execution of this transaction.
Again we look forward to doing business with you and solicit your utmost
confidentiality in this transaction. Thank you for your co-operation.
Yours faithfully,
Dr. Babatunde Katamonga (Ph.D.)
N.B. Please do quote reference number (NG23D/01) in your response.
P.S. I would be honored if you would send me a photograph of your family. Especially including your lovely young daughters.
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From: President George W. Bush (president@whitehouse.gov)
Sent: Monday, 04 January, 2003, 07:13 a.m.
To: Dr. Babatunde Katamonga (babatundekatamonga@rediffmail.com)
Re: Proliferation of Nuclear Materials
Dear Dr. Katamonga,
Thank you for your correspondence. You sound like a good Christian and a
good man. It just so happens that I and my own associates are very interested
in your offer since it reaches us at a most opportune moment. After consultation
with Vice President Cheney, Secretary of Defense Rumsfeld and our closest
advisors, we are authorizing you to proceed on our behalf. The financial aspects
of this transaction are perfectly acceptable, and we are in full accord, but
we must insist on a few minor changes to your plan. We believe that you and
your associates will find these changes even more attractive than your original
proposal.
First, have the U-Lock-It night manager agree to sell the weapons-grade uranium
to Mr. Hussein, but make certain that he insists on payment in advance. (We
will need for you to fabricate an official-looking letter or receipt which
indicates that Mr. Hussein did, in fact, purchase the uranium, and then we
will need for you to leak that document to the British.) But under no circumstances
is the uranium to be shipped to Iraq. As soon as you have retrieved the uranium,
you will be contacted by Israeli Mossad agents who will purchase the uranium
from you for $70,000,000,000 and kill the night manager.
We then propose that the $90,000,000,000 from the U.S. Treasury, the $80,000,000,000
from Mr. Hussein and the $70,000,000,000 from Israel be equally divided. One
half ($120,000,000,000) for myself and my associates and one half ($120,000,000,000)
for yourself and your associates.
We hope this alternative proposal meets with your approval and look forward
to your discreet cooperation.
Warmest personal regards,
George W. Bush
President
United States of America
P.S. Attached you will find a photograph of my daughters that was taken this summer when they were skinny-dipping in the pond on my Crooked W Ranch in Crawford, Texas. It may be a little explicit, but I think you will like it anyway.
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